Code Tachycardia - Emergency Intervention Order

Code Tachycardia – Baguio Holiday Overload, December xx, 2025

Patient Status Update (as of 2200H):

The City of Pines remains in sustained ventricular tachycardia. Arterial occlusion persists along Kennon, Marcos, and Session—now complicated by recent fallen pine tree debris and post-Christmas exodus gridlock. Current vitals: Ambient temp a deceptive 22°C (feels like 24°C), but tourists bundled in triple-layer North Face (fresh from ukay-ukay) are sweating while insisting "Ang lamig talaga!" Respiratory compromised by lingering ihaw-ihaw smoke; neuro status: mass delusion that Google Maps isn't lying about "15 minutes to Good Shepherd.

Aggressive Interventions – STAT and Escalated Defibrillation Attempt: 

Park the damn car. Clear countershock: Leave vehicle at hotel/perimeter parking and ambulate. Contraindicated: Any attempt to drive within CBD radius—will induce immediate malignant hypertension.

IV Access & Massive Fluid Bolus: 

Strawberry taho x infinity, hot and steaming. Administer PRN for hypothermia hallucination and plummeting blood sugar from queue-induced stress. Route: PO (because veins are as inaccessible as parking spots).

Soul Resuscitation: 

Ube jam topical, high dose. Queue tolerance training mandatory—90+ minutes standard. Limits strictly enforced (2 jars max, because sharing is caring, apparently). Apply directly to fractured holiday spirit. 

Anti-Arrhythmic Protocol: 

Noise-canceling earbuds + playlist of anything but jeepney horns. Titrate to drown out the perpetual "BEEP-BEEP" atrial fib. For advanced cases: Add mountain coffee 2000mg IV push q4h (or until jittery enough to weave through crowds like a pro).

Mass Casualty Triage – 

Harrison Road Night Market: Enter only if red-tag tolerant. Human thrombus in full effect—sudden stops for P50 bargains trigger multi-pedestrian pileups. Bargain hunt aggressively; wallet biopsy recommended post-exposure.  

Prognosis: 

Survivable with above interventions. Expect permanent Post-Traumatic Session Disorder, but offset by therapeutic chaos and that one perfect bowl of bulalo found after three failed restaurant attempts.

Final Order: 

Hold on until New Year—rumors of slight bradycardia post-Jan 1. If unable to comply, initiate immediate transfer to lower altitude (sea level recommended). Chart co-signed with maximum sarcasm and a hot taho chaser. (I've got this.)

😅🤣

Code red? 🚨